I still remember

The concerns I hide behind my smile
I'm one of those people you call false because I hide my tears behind those laughs.
And as I move forward, my pain increases.

I keep a terrible secret from you.
I've been told it's not my fault, yet sometimes it feels like a wizard's spell.
How was I to know that it was an assault?

He's still around, everywhere.
How come? He took away my innocence, how unjust!
He restrained me from speaking.

They advise me to pardon.
But he's made it difficult for me to live; I dream about him, and I pray he can hear me scream.

He shouldn't be free; it's unfair.
The day he abused me, he destroyed my life.
I make an effort to advance, but it feels like I'm anchored.

I work very hard.
Still, I'm so traumatized that I strive to mask my suffering.
Although it makes me crazy

I might appear joyful to you.
But deep down, I'm actually pissed off since my anxieties are hidden beneath my grin.
Because I conceal my tears behind those laughs, you would brand me a fake.
I only wish people could see how much I hurt certain days.