Alive but not living

My life is a contradiction
Today it's real, tomorrow it's fiction

Whenever I turn off my data connection, reality sets in
Life becomes less blurry and I wonder if I'm still destined

I anticipate the unknown with my hands opened wide 
Knowing expectations hurts sometimes but I'll end up alright

Life is full of ups and downs and this is something you should expect
Because you can't go to a gym and not expect to sweat

Some people want you to remain under them like 'souls under soles'
However, everyone is a puppet in life until they figure out their roles.

I've seen people with ugly characters and beautiful faces
I've met good people in the worst of places

Everybody are hypocrites yet pretend not to be one
When night comes, I face insomnia, I face my demons

But I know I can't defeat the demons I enjoy playing with.
What else can I do when salvation seems like a myth ?

One day I'll kick the bucket knowing that I tried my best to play my part
Because I've learnt that being alive is easy but living a life is hard

References 

Jude Umoren, 'Alive but not living' (online, 2020) <https://judeumoren.blogspot.com/2020/08/alive-but-not-living.html?m=1>.