Parents must prioritize teaching this crucial skill to their children

Parents, we all want our kids to be smart and focused, especially in a world where it's so easy to get distracted by screens. Even big tech guys like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates have ways to limit their kids' screen time!

Why is this important? In the future, there will be two types of people: those who let others control their attention and those who proudly say they're "indistractable."

Being indistractable is super important for the 21st century - but many parents forget to teach their kids this skill. After studying how our minds work with technology, I've noticed a big mistake parents make is not letting their kids control their own time.

Giving them this power is a big deal; even if they mess up sometimes, it's all part of learning. Parents should know it's okay to let their kids take charge because that's how they'll learn to manage their time and attention.

Educate them early on in life

When my daughter was five years old and wouldn't stop asking for her iPad, my wife and I knew we had to do something about it. After we all calmed down, we tried to understand her needs like Richard Ryan, a famous researcher, suggested. We told her that spending too much time on screens takes away time from other fun things.

Since she was learning how to tell time in school, we explained that there are only so many hours in a day for all the things she likes to do. If she spends too much time on apps and videos, she won't have time to play with friends, go swimming, or hang out with us.

A skeptical consumer is an empowered consumer who does their research before making purchasing decisions

We told her that the games and videos on the iPad were created by really clever people who want her to keep coming back for more. Knowing that companies want kids to keep watching or playing is a big part of learning about media.

Our kids need to know that gaming companies and social networks want us to have fun and stay connected, but they also make money when we spend a lot of time on their apps. It might sound like a big concept for a five-year-old, but we wanted to make sure she could make smart choices about how much time she spends on screens and set her limits.

The proper amount of autonomy is necessary for kids

We decided to ask her how much time she thought was good for her to spend on screens each day. It was a bit risky to let her make the decision herself, but we wanted to give her a chance. I thought she might say she wanted to watch TV all day, but she surprised me. She understood why it was important to limit screen time and asked for just "two shows." I explained that two episodes of a kid-friendly show on Netflix would be about 45 minutes.

"Do you think 45 minutes is the right amount of screen time for you each day?" I asked. She nodded and seemed happy with her decision. I was fine with it too, as it left plenty of time for other things. Being able to focus on what's important is a really important skill for kids today, but not all parents teach it. "How will you make sure you only watch for 45 minutes each day?" I asked. She suggested using a kitchen timer she could set herself. "That sounds like a good plan," I said. "But if we notice you're watching more than you should, we'll have to talk about it again." She agreed to the deal.

Combat distractions by establishing effort pacts

My daughter, who is 10 years old and full of energy, is the boss of her own screen time. She has changed her rules a bit as she has gotten older, like watching a movie on weekends instead of daily episodes. Instead of using a kitchen timer, she now asks Alexa to set a timer for her screen time limit. The cool thing is that these are her rules, not ours, and she is the one who makes sure she follows them. And when her time is up, she doesn't have to listen to her dad telling her to turn off the screen; her device does it for her.

She has unknowingly made an "effort pact," which means she has made it harder for herself to do something she doesn't want to do. This kind of pre-commitment can help us stay focused. Parents often wonder how much screen time is okay for kids, but there is no one-size-fits-all answer. It depends on the child's needs, what they are doing online, and what activities they are missing out on because of screen time.

It is good for one's overall health to have discussions and disagreements respectfully

It's super important to talk to your kids and let them help make the rules about technology. If parents just make all the rules without listening to their kids, it can make them mad and even want to break the rules. Sometimes families might argue about how much technology is okay to use, just like they might argue about letting a teenager drive the car. It's normal to have disagreements, as long as everyone is respectful.

The key is to talk openly about the problems technology can cause. When families talk about issues together in a safe and supportive way, they can figure out solutions. Technology is everywhere and it can be hard to resist. Kids need to know that some apps and games are made to be really addictive. But they also need to believe in their own ability to manage their time wisely. It's up to them to make good choices.