Trauma

My mom once asked me why I hit my cousin when he stretched his hands to shake me.
I said "self-defence"
Truth is, throughout my childhood, I've been bullied by him. And growing up I had to learn that his presence alone was a threat to my happiness. Because he enjoyed every moment he tortured me. I could see it in his eyes that he was having fun putting me in misery. But now he says he has changed. I want to believe him but when I finally did shake him, he squeezed my hands like he fed on the pain I'll go through.
Trauma,
Nowadays, he tells me, 'trust me' so frequently every time he's around me.
But I can't trust his words because he has used the word 'trust' so much that it has lost its meaning. A sadist will always be one no matter how much they try to change. Even a therapist can't help them.