WHY DO WE HURT MOST THOSE WE LOVE AND HOW TO STOP THIS?

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17 Mar 2024

Cease causing pain to those you care about.

You both share love, yet struggle to communicate without descending into arguments and conflict, leaving each of you drained and retreating to your respective corners, nursing wounds and contemplating self-defense against future attacks. Despite this, you still love each other? How is this dynamic possible? Why do individuals inflict the most pain on those they love?

Why is it challenging to express our affection? Despite our genuine intentions, why do we often resort to shouting and assigning blame? Then, the guilt monster emerges unexpectedly, tightening its grip around our throats once more.

How can we put an end to this destructive pattern of behavior?

Let me elucidate why this cycle occurs.

We all crave energy to sustain ourselves and thrive. Energy manifests in various forms: love, attention, validation, sustenance, companionship, financial support, and acknowledgment.
However, as long as we believe that this energy must come from other individuals, we become entangled in a perpetual struggle. Human energy is finite, requiring us to compete and vie for it. We must outshine others to garner their attention and draw upon their energy.
When this approach fails, we resort to alternative tactics.

This behavior is ingrained from childhood, where we quickly learn that negative actions often elicit attention. A child understands that even negative reactions from parents provide a form of energy—albeit unfavorable—yet preferable to being ignored.

As we mature and enter romantic relationships, we encounter a fascinating phenomenon: falling in love grants us an abundance of energy effortlessly. Our partner freely bestows upon us attention, interest, time, and affection. We no longer need to employ strategies to extract energy; it flows freely without effort. We release our mechanisms for seeking energy from others, and we surrender to love. We feel buoyant, as if floating on a cloud, infused with boundless energy. Yet, this energy belongs to our partner, and human energy is finite.

And here lies the crux of the issue! The flow of free energy from our partner begins to dwindle as they return to their pre-existing activities and responsibilities. Some attribute this decline to the body's inability to sustain heightened levels of adrenaline over time, but the true reason lies in our need to learn how to source our energy from elsewhere—not from another person, but from the true source of energy itself.

As our partner begins to provide us with less of this free energy, we find ourselves reluctant to let go of this familiar, effortless energy flow. We become desperate to maintain it. The scarcity of energy triggers our old childhood mechanism for obtaining energy, leading us to revert to behaviors we employed as children to gain our parents' attention and energy.

We might adopt the role of the victim, seeking sympathy and attention by portraying ourselves as victims of circumstance. Alternatively, we might become aggressive and domineering, attempting to assert control over our partner to extract their energy. Another tactic is to bombard them with questions and demands, attempting to exert control over their actions and attention. Lastly, we might resort to silence and withdrawal, hoping that our partner will chase after us, thus replenishing our depleted energy reserves.

While these tactics may initially succeed in redirecting our partner's energy towards us, the consequences are inevitable. Our partner, now depleted of energy, will inevitably seek to regain their lost energy. They may employ similar tactics, such as aggression, victimhood, interrogation, or withdrawal, to reclaim their energy from us.

This elucidates why we often end up hurting those we love the most. Firstly, we feel entitled to their energy, especially considering they freely gave it to us in the beginning. When we are unable to sustain this free energy flow, we become resentful and seek to reclaim it, often resorting to harmful tactics. Secondly, our loved ones are readily available sources of energy, making them convenient targets when our own energy levels are depleted.

Stealing energy from another human being is hurting him.

What can be done about this? We must ensure that we only engage with others when we are already filled with energy, so as not to deplete theirs. When we are energized and aware of the dynamics between individuals, we can offer energy to others instead of draining them. It's imperative not to interact with others when our own energy levels are low. Each person bears the responsibility of generating their own energy rather than relying on others.

How can this be achieved? By connecting with the ever-present energy of the Universe. One simple way to do this is by appreciating the beauty of a flower, object, or person. Engaging in activities like listening to uplifting music, taking nature walks, meditating, praying, dancing, painting, reading positive literature, pursuing one's life purpose, or expressing love towards pets can also help to replenish energy.

Compile a list of activities and behaviors that boost your energy levels. When conflicts arise with your partner, boss, child, parent, or anyone else, take action to restore your energy before engaging further. Refrain from speaking until your energy levels are sufficiently high to share energy with the other person. This act of giving energy ensures that you are not depleting theirs, demonstrating love and consideration. If you struggle to raise your energy levels, remove yourself from the situation, engage in self-care activities, and wait until your vibrations are elevated enough to reconnect with the other person.

In a relationship, the key isn't to solely make the other person happy or expect them to do the same for you. Rather, it's about cultivating your own happiness and offering it as a gift to your partner freely.