Perfect Emotions
We all have our favorite emotions. The ones we default to and seek. This is why junkies are junkies. Why athletes are athletes. Why winners win and losers lose. Everybody wants that familiar feeling. Whether it’s a good feeling. Or a bad one.
My default feeling is proud. I enjoy feeling better than everyone around me with undeniable empirical evidence. Hottest girl, fastest car, most money whatever. I love to FLEX. Searching for my favorite feeling has built me an EXCEPTIONAL life.
What’s your feeling?
If it’s “happy” that’s just as destructive as “sad”. And trust me. Some people WANT to feel sad. Perpetual victims. But happiness is the hedonistic highway to addictions. Short-sighted. Drink this vodka, take this pill, eat that cake, I want to feel HAPPY YAY. Society has conditioned men to believe we should be happy. We are not children. Life is not a playground.
“There’s something wrong with you if you’re not happy” WRONG. I know successful dedicated brilliant men who are not giggling like little girls. Chase more.
These are some of the thoughts that I have heard from people who have a strong preference for certain emotions. They believe that there is such a thing as perfect emotions and that they have found them. They think that their emotions are the best ones for them and that they should avoid or suppress any other emotions that might interfere with their goals or happiness.
But is this true? Are there perfect emotions that we should always strive for? Or are there drawbacks to being too attached to one emotion or another? And how can we find the right balance for our lives?
In this article, I will try to answer these questions by looking at some of the research and theories on emotions and their effects on our well-being. I will also share some tips and strategies on how to cultivate a healthy and diverse emotional repertoire that can help us cope with any situation and achieve our full potential.
What are emotions and why do we need them?
Before we dive into the idea of perfect emotions, let’s first define what emotions are and why we need them.
Emotions are complex and multifaceted responses to our experiences, and they serve important functions in our lives. Emotions can help us to communicate, to motivate, to learn, to cope, and to grow. Emotions are not something we should avoid or chase, but rather something we should acknowledge and understand.
Emotions can be classified into two broad categories: positive and negative. Positive emotions are those that make us feel good, such as joy, gratitude, satisfaction, love, and awe. Negative emotions are those that make us feel bad, such as anger, fear, sadness, disgust, and shame.
Positive and negative emotions are not mutually exclusive, and they can coexist or alternate in different situations. For example, we can feel both joy and sadness when we say goodbye to a loved one, or both fear and excitement when we face a new challenge.
Both positive and negative emotions have their benefits and costs, depending on the context and the intensity. Positive emotions can enhance our health, productivity, relationships, creativity, and resilience. Negative emotions can alert us to threats, problems, or injustices, and motivate us to take action, change, or improve.
However, too much or too little of any emotion can be harmful. Excessive positive emotions can make us overconfident, complacent, or reckless. Insufficient positive emotions can make us depressed, hopeless, or isolated. Excessive negative emotions can make us anxious, angry, or miserable. Insufficient negative emotions can make us indifferent, insensitive, or irresponsible.
Therefore, the key is not to seek or avoid any emotion, but to find the right balance and regulation for each emotion, depending on the situation and our goals.
What are the drawbacks of having a preference for certain emotions?
However, having a preference for certain emotions can have some drawbacks, such as:
- Missing out on the benefits of other emotions. For example, if you only want to feel proud, you may miss out on the joy of sharing, the gratitude of receiving, the love of caring, or the awe of discovering. If you only want to feel happy, you may miss out on the anger of fighting for justice, the fear of protecting yourself, the sadness of grieving, or the disgust of rejecting harm.
- Reducing your emotional flexibility and adaptability. For example, if you only want to feel proud, you may have trouble admitting your mistakes, asking for help, or learning from feedback. If you only want to feel happy, you may have trouble facing reality, dealing with problems, or coping with stress.
- Increasing your emotional vulnerability and instability. For example, if you only want to feel proud, you may become overly sensitive to criticism, rejection, or failure. If you only want to feel happy, you may become overly dependent on external sources of pleasure, such as drugs, alcohol, or food.
- Distorting your perception and judgment. For example, if you only want to feel proud, you may overestimate your abilities, ignore your weaknesses, or rationalize your actions. If you only want to feel happy, you may underestimate the risks, ignore the consequences, or justify your choices.
Therefore, having a preference for certain emotions can limit your emotional range and diversity, and impair your emotional intelligence and well-being.
How to find the right balance for your life?
So, how can we find the right balance for our lives, without being too attached or too detached from any emotion? How can we cultivate a healthy and diverse emotional repertoire that can help us cope with any situation and achieve our full potential?
Here are some tips and strategies that can help:
- Accept and embrace all your emotions. Don’t judge or suppress any emotion, but rather acknowledge and understand it. Recognize that all emotions have a purpose and a message and that they are not good or bad, but appropriate or inappropriate, depending on the context and the intensity. Be curious and compassionate about your emotions, and try to learn from them.
- Express and communicate your emotions. Don’t bottle up or hide any emotion, but rather share and convey it. Find healthy and constructive ways to express your emotions, such as talking, writing, drawing, singing, dancing, or playing. Seek support and feedback from others who can empathize and validate your emotions, and help you cope and grow.
- Regulate and balance your emotions. Don’t let any emotion overwhelm or control you, but rather manage and adjust it. Use cognitive and behavioral strategies to regulate your emotions, such as reframing, reappraising, distancing, distracting, or soothing. Seek a balance between positive and negative emotions, and between high and low arousal emotions, that suit your needs and goals.
- Expand and diversify your emotions. Don’t limit or narrow your emotions, but rather broaden and enrich them. Seek new and varied experiences that can elicit different emotions, such as reading, watching, traveling, exploring, or experimenting. Learn new and nuanced words to describe your emotions, such as using a list of emotions or a wheel of emotions. Practice gratitude, kindness, mindfulness, or meditation to enhance your positive emotions.
By following these tips and strategies, you can develop a more balanced and diverse emotional repertoire that can help you cope with any situation and achieve your full potential.
Conclusion
There is no such thing as perfect emotions, and there is no one-size-fits-all formula for emotional well-being. What matters is finding the right balance and regulation for each emotion, depending on the situation and our goals.
By accepting, expressing, regulating, and expanding our emotions, we can cultivate a healthy and diverse emotional repertoire that can help us cope with any situation and achieve our full potential.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article, and that you learned something new and useful. If you have any comments, questions, or feedback, please feel free to share them with me. I would love to hear from you. 😊
