a short letter to myself

Trying sometimes seems futile. I have tried all my life to fix my head and what has been going through inside. Time to time I tried spirituality, to eat better, to do more sports and to become a better person. None of it helped my mind or the hell inside it. Don't get me wrong, I can do my daily chores. I have been engaged with different occupations, Im a Ph.d candidate and I have a decent family life. While I am thankful to everything I have, the lacuna inside doesn't fill. I am tired most of the times, and I can not sleep well. I quit alcohol and cigarettes approximately six years ago, however it has not helped anything. While I have a very strong will, I literally can not help to recover my mind and energy levels. It is about time that I get rid of this and become the best of myself. Maybe I should start completely from the beginning. To be continued...