Depressurized

Some days I wake up, scared the day may be my last
I haven’t done much good deeds judging from my past

I gave my life to Christ but took it back the next day
Know sinning is wrong but still do bad things my friends say

I go to sleep without praying like I had a fight with God
But wake up screaming “JESUS" when I dream of losing blood

People ask how I’m doing and I lie “I’m fine”
But can’t even enjoy life knowing I’m running out of time

There’s light at the end of the tunnel and that alone is hope
But some thoughts make me want to end my life with a rope

I attempted to do the wrong, I attempted to let life go
Now I wear long sleeves afraid my attempts will show

Everything hurts, failed promises, heartbreaks and backbiting
To a point, the ones I call friends are also the demons I’m fighting

Sucked up in a black hole, trying to escape depression
But you can’t run away from what will always be your reflection

Saturday nights, I feel the pressure, I get depressed
Sunday morning, I’m in church giving Him the praise

I can’t really question God because I know He’s the answer
I’m still numbed to the pain that I can’t feel how my hands are

Nights come again and I get in bed longing for breakthroughs
Then I go to sleep only to wake up scared, the cycle continues.

References 

Jude Umoren, 'Depressurized' (online, 2019) <https://judeumoren.blogspot.com/2019/06/depressurized.html?m=1>.