Squad numbers are a big deal. They are sacred. That’s why it irks us to no end that most players are no longer numbered by position in the Premier League anymore.
The key word there was ‘most’. Squad numbers and their corresponding position have evolved over time and ultimately been of increasingly less use, but there are a select bunch in England’s top flight who still don the squad number that perfectly fits their position on their back. And we love it.

In celebration of those heroes who scratch our squad number brain itch, we’ve crafted a 2023-24 Premier League XI based on how perfectly the player fits their squad number.
Note — we’ve gone with a traditional 4-4-1-1, number 10 playing slightly behind the striker formation. None of that modern-day 4-3-3 rubbish. Let’s begin.

1. Emi Martinez

Listen, Allison Becker is an outstanding goalkeeper, perhaps the best in the league.
But Emi Martínez is also an incredible goalkeeper. He’s won the World Cup and, crucially for our archetypal number 1, he is batsh*t insane. No goalkeeper should be mentally stable. It wouldn’t surprise me to see him putting a penalty taker off by hanging from the crossbar upside down like a rabid bat.
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Martinez is in the team.

2. Kieran Trippier

Tripps gets the nod at number 2. One of the best right-backs in the league, if not the world, a brilliant crosser, a solid defender (mostly), and a great free-kick taker.
Crucially, he nicks in ahead of Kyle Walker because Walker occasionally plays centre-back — DISQUALIFIED.

4. Virgil Van Dijk

If our number 4 is going to be a centre-back, it’s going to be VVD, isn’t it? No further comment.

5. Fabian Schar

Tough competition for the number five, including the likes of Lewis Dunk, Ibrahima Konaté and Joachim Andersen.
John Stones is disqualified because he’s a habitual midfielder now, and might end up playing left-wing for Pep at this rate.
Schär just about scrapes in, though, because he will, without fail, suffer a head injury on either the 30th minute or the hour-mark of every single game he plays. It’s a thing. You can set your watch by it. That is a very number-five trait to have. Welcome to Perfect Squad Numbers FC, Fabian Schar.

3. Tyrick Mitchell

Surprisingly slim pickings at number 3. Liverpool seem to have a new policy of making defensive midfielders their number 3, Spurs don’t have a number 1, 2, or 3 for reasons best known to themselves, and a few centre-backs seem to think it’s okay to just pop the number three on their shirt these days.
Well, it’s not.
Mitchell earns his place ahead of Rico Henry, Marc Cucurella, and Aaron Creswell because he’s the most exciting. Creswell is unlucky to miss out as he does feel very number three-y, but Tyrick wins it for us.

7. Raheem Sterling

Okay, hear us out. Bukayo Saka and Michael Olise play on the right and are supreme number 7s. But they’re both left-footed. They both cut inside whenever they can.
Sterling can play on the left or through the middle, it’s true, but he also plays on the right, and that is the correct place for a right-footed number 7.

Neco Williams of Nottingham Forest has a claim to this spot but he is often a right-back, and we will not have a right-back wearing number 7 in our team — not on your nelly.

6. Douglas Luiz

A central midfielder who is comfortable on the ball and not afraid to put himself about when necessary. Extraordinary lack of competition for this spot, perhaps only challenged by Ross Barkley, who just feels like the human embodiment of the number eight. 
Luiz is in without question.

8. Dominik Szoboszlai

“What about Martin Ødegaard?!?! Enzo Fernandez?! Bruno Fernandes?!” 
Sure, they’re great. But Szoboszlai loves pingers and he kicks the ball really hard. Classic eight material.
He’s in. Argue amongst yourselves. 
Harry Kane in action for Bayern Munich
© Provided by Planet Football
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11. Jack Harrison

The only left-footed eleven in the Premier League who actually plays on the left relatively frequently.
Jeremy Doku and Gabriel Martinelli are out because they’re right footers and that defeats the point of our beautifully traditional effort, here.

1o. Morgan Gibbs-White

This wasn’t an easy choice. 
Here’s the shortlist and why they missed out: Eberechi Eze — sublime player, plays a little bit too deep to be our 10; Anthony Gordon — can play as a striker or a classic 10 but spends most of his time on the wings; James Maddison — see Eberechi Eze; Lucas Paquetá — a very close second, but Gibbs-White feels like the most classic number 10 in the league at the minute right now.

He could easily play as the second striker in an old school 4-4-2, he’s extremely creative, makes assists, scores goals, dribbles, and passes. He’s got everything a number ten should have and he’s a maverick. 

9. Erling Haaland

Who else?
The big Norwegian freak is an absolute goal magnet and would happily spend his days camped out inside the opposition penalty area, ready to eat defenders alive and smash in goals with every part of his body if he was allowed to.
Pep Guardiola naturally makes him do a bit more running than that, but ultimately his job is the same. Do goals and do lots of them. A nailed on pick.
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The Premier League table of the 2020s: Man City flying, Liverpool above Arsenal…

We’ve gone back to the start of the decade and have worked out what the Premier League table of the 2020s looks like. 
It won’t come as much surprise to learn that Manchester City have accumulated the most points since the start of the decade. In total, they have collected a whopping 354 points since January 2020.

To put those numbers into context, Pep Guardiola’s side have been averaging 2.3 points per game during the 2020s which is a sublime return. It’s no wonder they’ve won five of the last six league titles.
Liverpool claim second spot in this ranking with 323 points collected during the 2020s so far. They’ve got every chance of winning the league this season as Jurgen Klopp’s side currently boast a five-point lead at the top of the table.
With Klopp set to leave Liverpool at the end of the campaign, you’d imagine his side will be more fired up than ever in order to give the German boss a fitting send-off.
Arsenal have made huge strides forward in the 2020s and they sit third in this table with 292 points to their name. That’s an average of 1.9 points per game which is decent going.
Manchester United make up the rest of the top four with 277 points accumulated since January 2020. It’s fair to say that the Red Devils have had a few ups and downs already during this decade.
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United started the 2020s with Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, had a short pitstop with Ralf Rangnick and have been managed by Erik ten Hag since the beginning of last season.
In total, the Red Devils have picked up 77 fewer points than their Manchester rivals since the start of the decade. That really puts into perspective the work that still needs to be done at the club.
Tottenham and Chelsea both miss out on the top four of this table as they have each experienced a dip in results during the 2020s.
Spurs seem to be heading in the right direction once again under Ange Postecoglou after they experienced a few false dawns with their previous bosses.
Chelsea have endured the largest dip of all when compared to the previous decade, though, having averaged just 1.6 points per game in the 2020s. It’s fair to say that they are still finding their feet in the post-Roman Abramovich era.
Aston Villa, West Ham, Newcastle and Brighton are the best of the rest as they have all accumulated over 200 points during the decade so far.
Of the 13 Premier League sides who have been in the Premier League since 2020, Crystal Palace have picked up the fewest points with just 177.
Here’s the full breakdown of the Premier League table since 2020 which includes the 13 sides who have been ever-present in the league during the decade.
Note: all teams have played 154 matches unless otherwise stated.
1. Man City – 354 points, +248 GD (153 games)
2. Liverpool – 323 points, +173 GD (155 games)
3. Arsenal – 292 points, +109 GD
4. Manchester United – 277 points, +61 GD
5. Tottenham – 265 points, +80 GD
6. Chelsea – 247 points, +65 GD
7. Aston Villa – 221 points, +11 GD
8. West Ham – 217 points, +12 GD (155 games)
9. Newcastle – 216 points, +2 GD
10. Brighton – 204 points, +1

11. Wolves – 195 points, -43 GD
12. Everton – 186 points, -56 GD
13. Crystal Palace – 177 points, -56 GD
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The most offside players in the history of the Premier League: Kane, Vardy, Berbatov…

You’ve heard the Alex Ferguson quote about Super Pippo Inzaghi, haven’t you? The Scot famously said that the Italian ‘must have been born offside’.
In today’s game, micromanaged rather horrendously by VAR and semi-automated decisions, we wondered what kind of player is the most prone to being caught offside, so we looked into the Premier League history books.

This list comprises the top 10 most offside players in Premier League history according to how many times they were caught offside, but we’ve ranked them in order of proportion of offsides to games played. This weeds out the one-season wonders and gives a true reflection of which players really loved camping beyond enemy lines.

10. Gabriel Agbonloahor – 195

Pace to burn in his early days at Villa. Too much, perhaps. Too quick for the game around him. A solid effort of 195 offsides for Gabby, but doesn’t come close to challenging our King of Behind-the-Backline.
He remains the undisputed king of chatting dross on talkSPORT, however.
Related video: We need to play with more fluidity - Ange (English Football Channel)

a a fairly sort of fluid team and and a

9. Robin van Persie – 198

A thunderous shot, a left foot like a bastard, a famous World Cup header, and – crucially for this list – a shitload of offsides.
Van Persie could always time a volley, but apparently he couldn’t time a run (he definitely could). What a player.

8. Harry Kane – 204

The first instance of a player being done dirty by playing during the VAR era, here. Kane scores plenty, but gets caught out nearly as often.
We’re convinced Papiss Cissé would’ve been caught offside over a thousand times if VAR had been about when he was playing in the Premier League, robbing him of those sweet, sweet goals.
Surprising, though, for a striker who tends to play as deep as Kane to be on the all-time offsides list. With many games come many offsides.

Harry Kane in action for Bayern Munich
© Provided by Planet Football
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7. Romelu Lukaku – 206

Big Rom on the big wrong side of the defence.
For a man lauded for his skill when it came to timing a run – in his peak – it’s quite a surprise to see Lukaku pop up. But, given how many goals he has in the Premier League, it probably checks out.

6. Christian Benteke – 227

Benteke scored 19 goals in his first season for Villa. It slowed up a bit after that, which was a great shame.
Ultimately, he’s higher on the all-time offsides list than the goalscorers list. And there is no shame in that. Happens to the best of us, Christian.

5. Dimitar Berbatov – 238

We dread to think how often this guy would be caught out these days. He’s still way too cool to care, though.
Berba isn’t tracking back. Not on your nelly. Forget it. Berba is smoking ciggies in the penalty area, chatting to the keeper about art house films and coffee beans, waiting for his moment. Like a suave panther. Berba is allowed to be offside. Berba can do what he wants.

= 3. Jamie Vardy – 276

Vardy’s best work has come at a cost. Despite his astronomical rise from non-league to the top of the English pyramid and into the Premier League 100 club, he’s far from immune to an offside call.
If you live on the shoulder of the last defender, like a featherless parrot, you are inevitably going to be quite an offsidey player. That’s just science. Chat shit, pieces of eight, pieces of eight (like what a parrot says).

= 3. Darren Bent – 276

Played alongside Berba for Spurs, which means this is easily the most offside strike partnership in Prem history. Unlucky not to get called up for more England caps, but we’re sure he’ll shake it off. Side.
Get it?

2. Jermaine Defoe – 314

A Premier League mainstay with almost as many offsides as clubs. Brilliant striker, but an awful lot of offsides.
Niko Kranjčar must have hated him. Could’ve been the all-time assist leader if Defoe could’ve stayed onside. What might’ve been…

1. Emmanuel Adebayor – 328

You do have to wonder what they were doing at Spurs back in the day. Did they practise being offside? Was it a mind game? Regardless, there is no reason for Baby Kanu to have been caught offside THREE-HUNDRED-AND-TWENTY-EIGHT times.
It’s madness. He wasn’t trying to be onside. He wanted to be offside. He liked it. There’s no other reason for it. The Togolese Inzaghi reigns supreme on our list of offsidemen. Bow down to the king.
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Arsenal 5-6 Liverpool combined XI: Saka in over injured Salah as Jesus, Saliba pip Nunez, Konate

Arsenal and Liverpool face off in a massive match in the Premier League title race on Sunday, so here is our combined XI of the two teams.
 
GK: Alisson (Liverpool)
He gets in all of these combined XI. Alisson is the best goalkeeper in the Premier League.

A fantastic footballer who was born to play in the inverted-deep-lying-regista-single-pivot role, Alexander-Arnold’s incredible technical ability probably led you to believe that made-up gibberish is a genuine position.
Everyone knows how suspect he can be defensively and Gabriel Martinelli is bound to cause him some problems in Sunday’s clash, but nobody has been talking about that side of his game for a while now, which emphasises how important he has been going the other way.
Conor Bradley has been excellent in Trent’s absence, but having come off the bench two games in a row, we fancy the England international to return to the starting XI against their Premier League title rivals.
 
CB: William Saliba (Arsenal)
Saliba is one of the best young central defenders in the Premier League and usually makes these combined XIs. Picking between him and Gabriel Magalhaes was very tricky, and giving him the nod ahead of Ibrahima Konate was even tricker. His fellow Frenchman is equally as brilliant.
Related video: Arteta admits he has learnt from Klopp's Liverpool and Fan atmosphere on Sunday (Dailymotion)

 
CB: Virgil van Dijk (Liverpool)
Van Dijk’s form this season has caught many of us by surprise; he has been ridiculously good, defying logic having seemingly been on the decline after tearing his cruciate ligament.
The Liverpool captain is, dare I say, playing the best football of his career.
 
LB: Andy Robertson (Liverpool)
Oleksandr Zinchenko and Robertson are two completely different players, despite both being left-backs. The Arsenal man likes to come inside, get on the ball, pick a pass, while Robertson epitomises a Jurgen Klopp team with his marauding runs down the left flank.
Zinchenko’s form in recent weeks has improved, but he does not deserve a spot ahead of the Liverpool defender.
 
DM: Declan Rice (Arsenal)
Liverpool would be fancied a lot more and Arsenal would be a lot worse off had the Reds beaten the Gunners in the race to sign Rice last summer. Some Liverpool fans are still wondering why they didn’t give it a proper go having bid over £100million for Moises Caicedo.

Maybe the lack of Champions League football at Anfield would have been a deal breaker. Who knows? Not us. Liverpool didn’t even bloody try.
Anyway, Rice has been pretty good in the Arsenal midfield this season. Pretty, pretty good.
 
CM: Martin Odegaard (Arsenal)
The Arsenal captain walks into this team if truth be told. His form has not been as eye-opening as it was in 2023/24 but he is still better than Kai Havertz, Emile Smith Rowe, Thomas Partey, Curtis Jones, Dominik Szoboszlai and Alexis Mac Allister.

Arsenal midfielders Martin Odegaard and Declan Rice during a match.
© Provided by Football365
 
CM: Alexis Mac Allister (Liverpool)
Odegaard is better than Mac Alliser, who is better than the other players mentioned above, which means they partner each other in midfield, in front of Rice.
The Argentine international has been playing in the No. 6 role for the Reds this season, which means he is not playing his best football. At least Wataru Endo was coming into his own…right in time to play for Japan at the Asian Cup.

 
RW: Bukayo Saka (Arsenal)
Mohamed Salah will not be ready to return on Sunday, so Saka it is. For what it’s worth, if Salah was fit, he would be on the right and we would make an exception to move Saka to the left. He doesn’t play there. But he has before. And he definitely could if he was asked to.
An apparent quiet season for Arsenal’s starboy has seen him score seven goals and provide eight assists in 21 Premier League appearances. The boy is special.
OPINION: Bukayo Saka and the 2020 vision that now puts Arsenal man ahead of Mo Salah
 
ST: Gabriel Jesus (Arsenal)
No room for Captain Chaos in this combined XI. Jesus is a fantastic all-round striker whose biggest weakness just happens to be putting the ball in the back of the net, which is something Darwin Nunez also does not excel in.
Jesus is a lot more easy on the eye and makes those around him better. Neither of those points really apply to Darwin, though you can say his work rate and unpredictability benefit his team-mates.

 
LW: Luis Diaz (Liverpool)
Diaz or Martinelli is one of the biggest debates in this combined XI, and the Liverpool winger has received the nod.
The Colombian only has four goals and two assists in 21 Premier League appearances this term, while Martinelli has the same record in one less match.
It could have gone either way, but we think Diaz is the better player and it is as simple as that.