+Positive

I couldn’t believe it 
But the test results said otherwise 
I triple checked with different brand of test strips 
No!!!
This couldn’t be happening 
We were always so careful 
I was always careful 
My heart thumped in my chest 
What would this mean for us 
For me, for him 
Were we even ready
Did I heal from past trauma?
Will I be able to raise a kid in the state I was?
What kind of mom will I be? 
Would I even tell him he fathered a child? 

I took deep breaths to calm my wired soul
I should dial my best friend’s line 
She will be the only one to know how to handle this 
Instead I fell into a heap in a trembling mess 
I burst into sobs
racking my whole 
I started dry heaving 
And instinctively my hands wrapped itself protectively around my waist 
And I knew then 
I would keep the baby