Why Family Matter More Than You Think (How ignoring the values will lead you down a disastrous path)

I still remember the first day I heard "I love you" from my dad, like it was yesterday. Yes, because I'm such a daddy's boy. That sounds wrong. My point is, I didn't even understand what it meant until I grow much older.

It gave me the sense of undying support that reverberates through out my life.

Family values are important to me because I have been taught that since I could remember as a child. Both sides of my parent's relatives values family over everything else. And I'm thankful for that.

The Price of unspoken words

My wife particularly is a loving person, however wasn't a big proponent of saying it though. It might be something she experienced during her teen years. And I had to encourage her again to say it back to me.

Oh don't get me wrong, she knows she loves me, as I know it too. It's the saying it back, lacking of better word to describe it, made her feel weird saying it first or back.

But here's the thing, unspoken words are words that can't be listened to. By extend, my kids will not hear it, and what will be the chance of us teaching our children the same value? So its a good practice for the family.

Unspoken words are often misunderstood and unacknowledgeable. How could they, they were not spoken! No one is a mind reader - don't let the TV tell you otherwise.

I think its important because good communication in family starts from a place of love. Although some might argue it starts from a place of tolerance. You can't tolerate people you don't love. Trust me.

Love is a form of expression, and thus you have to express it. Through words, through action. And by god it must come from the heart.

Unless you have a deeply dysfunctional family.

Another day, another cliche

It's a cliche alright. Mainly because this topic is all over the internet. Family values, and whatnot. But the first thing you hear when asking the question: "What are your family values?"

A moment of silence followed by stuttering answers - one has to think first before answering. Probably because the question is rather a complicated one to answer and requires deep thought. Not.

It's mainly because people took it for granted.

Not sorry for saying this, but people are too busy trying to be wealthy, powerful, entertained and yes, phones and smart gadgets takes you away from thinking about it altogether. Modernized sickness as they said it over the net.

Some people just took it for granted for having it good, while some crave for it as a result of lack there of.

What are the chances that you will stumble upon the title of this article and stop scrolling to think about it? I have no idea.

Love thy family and neighbors as it says in the bible. But who cares, I don't love my rude neighbors, and I don't have too. Thank god. But I love my family. Very dearly.

Although this writing is not a story about me.

But more of a friend of mine and to show why it matters a lot to you. To why family matters. I have to clarify family does not have to be bound by the bondage of blood. It's who you view as family and to which you are born or/and accepted into.

For the purpose of the story, I will be using Dave instead (not his real name), just because that is the first name that comes to mind.

Anyway,

It was more than 10 years ago when I met his mom. We were trying to complete a group presentation project about the Planet Neptune for our 101 Critical Thinking class. The purpose of the presentation is to test our ability to present a rather "Not well know facts" about a subject. Well, that besides the story.

Long story short, me, Dave and another friend of ours only have few hours to complete our presentation slide and to print in onto a canvas.

We decide that we will complete the presentation slide at his house and that is when I first introduced to his mom. Aunt Sera (not her real name), as I called her that till today, is an English teacher. And her appearance is that of a teacher, kinda look angry all the time, but has a good demeanor towards her house guest.

Not knowing what we were up to, she calmly asked Dave what we are doing in his room. After answering her reluctantly, Dave broke the silence by saying "Can you step outside, we are busy here", and that shock me. Making me think "Dude, isn't that kinda rude to your mom?". His mom went out right after. Gruntingly of course.

Few months after, I began to understand the dynamic of Dave's relationship to his mom and to the rest of his family members. And let me tell you, what seemingly like perfect family picture that stuck in their living room, reality is that the family harbors dark secrets of their own. I will not disclose what they are, but suffice to say, the family were very close to be broken.

Aunt Sera tries to commit to suicide a few times but never succeeded. Thanks to Dave's elder brother being home during those periods. The younger sister was a shut in and didn't help much with house chore. Dave was trying to make himself busy at school, to drown all the dramas at home. Sometimes he would just stop by my home to express his feelings of the troubles he had at home.

I love my best friend like a brother, heck we called ourselves brothers. We do what brothers do, we fight, we make up, we start a business together, and we failed and triumph together.

But there was one thing that I deeply dislike about him. His relationship with his parents. To no fault of his own, as I understand how the deep rooted hate he has for them. Despite that, deep under all of the heated arguments, disgruntled communications, I know he loves his family. Perhaps too much that it hurts him instead. And those feelings he kept inside rear its head as rude responses, snapping and hateful disagreements.

I'm no psychologist, although I have to admit I love to be one. But I knew one of the thing that causes this rift in between their family members. The inability to utter and show "I love you" to each other.

The parents were too absolved into their own marital troubles and the siblings doesn't care about each other.

Until today, I am still surprised by the fact that my friend doesn't get his birthday nor his other sibling's celebrated by the family. Perhaps its just me, but I think it's kind of sad, and simply dysfunctional.

The fact that the head of the family has his own demon to fight against, does not make it any easier for the family. Further leading the family down the hardship with no end in sight. Money was never a problem with the family, its how in the world are you unable to utter a simple "I love you, get back home safely".

Till Dave met my family, he never known the joy of being love for being himself. Dave is a kind person, capable of love, but is deeply scarred.

But lucky for him, by involving himself with my family, nurtured his ability to love without condition. I told him this "We can't choose our parents, but we can choose to love them". No thanks to me alone, seeing how close knit my family were, he was able to build a better relationship with his family.

I'm glad that those time were behind them.

My own view

This is why I want to write this piece, as a reminder to everyone who reads this writing. Nothing in this world could ever replace family and its value. No, not even time.

Personally, I'd rather die, than not being able to utter "I love you" to my family. But that is just me, being fully functional person who has been loved, is love and able to reciprocate in kind.

I am lucky to have been born into a family who loves me for who I am, regardless of what I choose to do in life. Despite my father being away most of the time, he did not skip on saying "I love you, you know that right?" every single time he's going away.

Looking back, I thought it was normal. I never thought I had it good, until I met Dave.

No matter amount of money, would make a family happier and healthier than their ability to show their affections to each other. For sure wealth and success provides you better things in life, but family, and the right dose of it, could define how happy you are on the successes you have in life.

Because isn't the feeling of success felt empty, for not being able to share it with your loved ones?

Its fundamentally easy to get lost in your work, and your ambition. But it is equally if not more important, to understand the reason why you had your ambition in the first place. Speaking for myself, I know what I do, and will do, is for those whom I love.

If I had to choose between both, I'll chose my family anytime of the day. Despite the hardships.

Tell them you love them. Your family. Your friends. You have no idea how much time you have left. Time is fleeting and it waits for no one. You can't ask for forgiveness from those that has left us. Don't let your own emotions lead you down the path of regret. Because its poisonous and the reason why we have so much hate in the world.

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