Finally

I got accepted for the scholarship! After all my hard work, I got what I deserve

I'd been checking my email constantly for the last week of June, and I received the result on the 1st of July. At first, I wasn't so emotional. I told my mom and she said "Your dad would be proud of you". Oh, those words almost made me cry. The feeling that my parents would be happy with what I am doing and achieving is the best.
There were many moments when I felt I wasn't good enough, I was wasting my time, I was a loser, and I was frustrated and discouraged. And every time I felt that way, I just believed in myself. I truly believe that there will be an outcome of my diligence. I may not create a startup or become a billionaire, but I will do my best to be a good person, who is loyal, smart, helpful, and eco-friendly.

I am relaxing too much this summer. I haven't been this long without preparing for a test or doing my homework. I am watching a lot of Netflix, reading books, and learning some programming languages at CallPro. But I'm still so bored and didn't make any relation- ship or good communication here. I kind of miss Lemon Press.

My mom and I get along with each
other well nowadays. We talked about the use of alcohol, intimacy, and other things, that I should be careful of. I realized that she lets me and my sister do what we want. She didn't force my sister to give birth while others were saying that it would be late. When I express my opinion and dream, mom doesn't grumble. And when I am angry, she is always positive. The biggest thing that I am worried about now is how will she be alone for 3 years. Being alone and feeling lonely is sad, but she is happy that I'll study abroad. Mom quit her job and there are 2 years left until her retirement. If my dad was here, everything would be perfect.
Sometimes I cry for no reason. When I listen to a song and see the emotion of an artist, I get emotional too. I still couldn't go to a psycholo- gist. It's harder than I thought when I actually face it. Or, am I being just delicate? Is it normal to feel lonely. most of the time?

I feel bad about being introverted and lonely, regret what I would've done, compare myself to others, and overthink. I think many people have problems like mine, but almost no one expresses it. Instead, they post the most beautiful pic- tures of themselves and add stories of what they are drinking. When I add a story and someone taps reaction, I feel good, but it won't last long. I think it's a miserable way to feel good. We should be able to comfort ourselves without any social media notification. Instagram
sets a high standard and people just try to reach that because others may like them.

Friends are important, of course. Lately, I figured out that being with friends who talk about gossip is a waste of time. When I don't want to hang out with certain people, I just lie that I should go. It's way better to be alone than to hear other people's relationships and failures whom I don't care about. I want to make a meaningful conversation about the future, books, music, AI, or the economy. I become energized after I talked to a person who is knowledgeable and interesting.

I still don't feel like I'm going to study in Hungary. I will get out of my comfort zone and step into a whole new environment. I will miss my family and friends so much-and make new friends there. Many good
and bad things will happen, and I'm so excited to overcome them. Good luck to me:>