Confessions of a Nervous Nelly

I think it’s just right to consider myself as a nervous nelly. I'm not just a little anxious; I'm a walking, talking encyclopedia of phobias. Heights? Check. Failure? Check. Injections? Absolutely. Even the sound of a balloon popping can send me scrambling. But here's the thing: we all have our quirks, our fears, our things that make us tick. This is my confession, my attempt to understand my own anxieties and maybe, just maybe, find some humor in the chaos.

My quirks and phobias

1. The Fear of Failure: This fear isn't just about failing at a task or a project. It's a fear of disappointing the people I love, particularly my parents. The pressure to live up to their expectations, to prove my worth, weighs heavily on me. It's a fear that stems from a deep-seated desire to be loved and accepted, to be seen as someone who can contribute and succeed. Failing them feels like failing as a sibling, a role that holds immense importance in my life.

2. The Fear of the Past: I'm haunted by the echoes of past experiences, events that I should have put behind me, but continue to linger. Mostly negative experiences that staunchly influence my current mindset. I feel as if I'm losing my sanity. My fear arises from the potential of reliving those instances, of making the same mistakes, of doing something grievous, something I would only live to regret.

3. The Fear of the Unknown: The vast expanse of the unknown terrifies me. I am afraid of the unexpected, of the unpredictable, of stepping into the darkness without a map or a guide. It's a fear that whispers, "What if I can't handle it?” “What if I am not prepared?"

4. The Fear of Heights: The dizzying drop, the feeling of vulnerability, the sense of being suspended in the air – these are the hallmarks of my fear of heights. It's a visceral reaction, a primal instinct to stay grounded, to avoid the precipice.

5. The Fear of Thunder and Lightning: The rumble of thunder, the blinding flash of lightning, the sudden shift in the air – they all trigger a primal fear within me. It's not just the noise, but the raw power of nature, the unpredictable force that can unleash havoc in an instant.

I remember, as a child, hiding under the covers during storms, my heart pounding with each crack of thunder. Even now, a flash of lightning sends a jolt of fear through me. I find myself instinctively making the sign of the cross, whispering "Jesus, Mary, Joseph," a childhood prayer that offers a fleeting sense of comfort. Then, I quickly cover my ears, trying to block out the deafening roar that follows. It's a fear that's deeply ingrained, a reminder of the vulnerability we all share in the face of nature's fury.

6. The Fear of Injections: The prick of the needle, the anticipation of pain, the feeling of being violated – these are the components of my fear of injections. It's a fear that goes beyond the physical discomfort, a fear of intrusion, of being at the mercy of something I can't control. Even the smallest prick feels like an invasion, a reminder of my fragility.

I try to live a life that minimizes the need for injections, avoiding illness as much as possible. The last time I received one was for the Covid vaccine. The first shot was surprisingly painless, a testament to the skill of the nurse who administered it. But the second shot... that was different. The nurse pinched my skin first, trying to numb the area, but the pain still hit with a force that seemed to penetrate my very bones. My arm ached for the rest of the day, a constant reminder of the fear that lingers beneath the surface. It's a fear that's deeply personal, a fear that I carry with me, even in the face of necessity.

7. The Fear of Flying: The feeling of being confined in a metal tube, soaring through the air, at the mercy of the elements – this is what fuels my fear of flying. It's a fear of losing control, of being trapped, of the potential for disaster.

8. The Fear of Public Spaces or Crowds: The feeling of being overwhelmed, of being lost in a sea of faces, of being unable to escape – this is what fuels my fear of public spaces or crowds. It's a fear of losing individuality, of being swallowed by the collective, of being unable to control my own destiny.

9. The Fear of Accidents: The unexpected, the unforeseen, the potential for harm – these are the elements that drive my fear of accidents. It's a fear of the fragility of life, of the possibility of losing everything in an instant, of the unpredictable nature of fate.

10. The Fear of Attachment: The fear of losing someone I love, the fear of being hurt, the fear of being left behind – these are the components of my fear of attachment. It's a fear that stems from a desire for connection, for intimacy, for love, but also from a deep-seated fear of pain and loss.

These are just some of the fears that I carry. They are a part of me, a reflection of my experiences, my anxieties, and my vulnerabilities. While I may not be able to erase them entirely, I can choose to face them with courage, to learn from them, and to grow beyond them.

You've come this far. May the Divine Grace be upon you. ♥

If you have some spare time to review my other pieces of writing, I would greatly appreciate your support and I thank you in advance.

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