Lonely

My mouth is pregnant with tons of words.
And not finding anyone to talk to hurts

Loneliness became the ocean I was drowning in.
Loneliness was the sound of music surrounding me.

Sometimes I felt its stench filling up the room.
Countless nights, it kept me staring at the moon.

I could hear it whisper "suicide" in my ears. Breathing became a threat and living, one of my greatest fears

Loneliness got me paranoid.
Inculcated me with habits I couldn't avoid.

I couldn't blend in with the crowd because of discrimination.
Was I created this way or did I deserve this condemnation?

I was a free man yet its loyal prisoner.
A gun in sight, this suicide thoughts has been seasonal

What will happen if I end everything with the gun?
Will I be forgiven for my actions when I'm gone?

I've seen similar suicidal cases on socials and on the Press
That leaves me with the question "Am I lonely or just depressed?"

REFERENCES 
Jude Umoren, 'lonely' (online, 2019) <https://judeumoren.blogspot.com/2019/09/lonely.html?m=1>.