Antony slams commentator as new Manchester United manager De Zerbi signs Dunk and Caicedo

Antony ‘hit back’ at a BBC commentator at the weekend. No, not that one. And who else is excited for Roberto De Zerbi’s new Manchester United signings?
 
Most nonsensical opening paragraph of the day
‘Mikel Arteta has previously been dismissive of talk that he could replace Xavi Hernandez at Barcelona amid fresh reports linking him with his former club’ – Dan Marsh, Daily Mirror website.You can’t be previously dismissive of talk amid fresh reports. Happy to help.
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The idea of someone ‘hitting back’ was lost in translation in football media terms long ago, distorted beyond meaning to include absolutely anything – not even actual words – as a pointed response to criticism.But this is something else from the Daily Mirror website, who tell us that ‘Man Utd’s Antony hits back after BBC commentator brutally trolls him live on air’.
It’s more than brave from the Brazilian, who has understandably kept his counsel for a while now. Weird to break that silence in an attempt to get one over on Guy Mowbray but now he’s opened up he can hopefully address a few more things before battening down the hatches again.
For it is Mowbray whose ‘brutal trolling’ has led Antony to ‘hit back’. As the BBC commentator said during Manchester United’s FA Cup win over Newport: “If Antony got on a bike he’d just cycle around in circles wouldn’t he? Because his left leg is brilliant and his right leg is practically not there.” Ouch.
How, then, did Antony respond? A middle finger directed towards the TV gantry? Did he tweet about preferring Jonathan Pearce? We simply must know.

‘He came up with a first-half assist to allow Bruno Fernandes to score early on. Then, with the game in the balance at 2-2, Antony reacted quickest to the ball rebounding off the post to tap home with 20 minutes to go.’

That is it. That is how Antony ‘hit back’. An assist (with his left foot) and a goal, scored unmarked off a rebound about six yards out with the keeper on the ground. But yes, with his right foot. Against League Two’s 16th-best team.
Stick it, Mowbray. Mind you, this ranks a distant second in terms of incidents involving BBC commentators and Antony at the weekend.
Follow the leader

Absolutely no ill will towards Scott Trotter of the Daily Mirror website here, because this is unbelievable work from the young man. This headline:‘Man Utd star labelled “a leader” by team-mates suffers fresh setback’

…is precisely how to sell a story on Axel Tuanzebe during a quiet January transfer window.
The quotes about the defender being a “leader” are at least three years old and the ‘fresh setback’ amounts to him literally just playing in Ipswich’s surprise FA Cup defeat to Maidstone. Phenomenal work.
 
Zerb your enthusiasm

After the groundbreaking reveal of how Chelsea might look if they sign Karim Benzema (hint: the starting line-up would contain 10 current Chelsea players, supplemented by Karim Benzema), the Daily Express website come crashing in with this beauty:‘Man Utd’s impressive starting XI if Roberto De Zerbi replaces Erik ten Hag’

Mediawatch will give you 427 guesses and you might get about half of them right. The goalkeeper might well trip most up because in this fantasy land in which Manchester United, fresh from Sir Jim Ratcliffe’s investment and steering of all matters football, replace Erik ten Hag as manager with Roberto De Zerbi, their ambition is suddenly stunted: Andre Onana continues in net.
Related video: Guardiola claims Manchester Utd can have any of City players if they want to leave (Dailymotion)

The defence is not much better, but the idea of Manchester United’s grand new vision including Aaron Wan-Bissaka at right-back, Lisandro Martinez at centre-half and Luke Shaw on the left, with Lewis Carl Dunk representing their only new signing in a backline leaking goals, is truly titillating.
In midfield, Bruno Fernandes is obviously ‘a shoo-in to keep his place’ and Kobbie Mainoo gets the nod alongside him. There is, however, one role left to fill. And Moises Caicedo is that man.
De Zerbi could technically ‘offer his former Seagulls star an exit route’, to be fair. Quite why he would is anyone’s guess. Plus Chelsea might want a decent profit on a British record deal they struck less than six months ago.
Up front, Rasmus Hojlund is rather harshly discarded but to be fair, experience is needed up front. So in comes Evan Ferguson (there’s about 20 months between them, shut up), while Kauro Mitoma ‘would bring the kind of sharpness and directness to wide areas that Antony has failed to provide since his mega-money switch from Ajax’.

Wouldn’t stand up to Guy Mowbray though, would he?
The most fanciful part of this reimaging of Manchester United’s entire attack is that Marcus Rashford keeps his place. But either way, let’s give De Zerbi a little more credit and assume that he wouldn’t just sign a load of his old players as soon as he takes another job. Brighton aren’t exactly crawling with former Sassuolo and Shakhtar Donetsk stalwarts, are they?
 
I spy

The weird advent of online outlets presenting news stories with first person headlines continues unabated in The Sun, who trail Paul Parker’s thoughts on Rasmus Hojlund thusly:‘I won two Premier League titles at Man Utd… Rasmus Hojlund must find it s*** playing alongside two team-mates’

And, well… yeah, he did. Not sure it’s really relevant in this situation, mind.
 
Smack my Pritch up

Sticking with The Sun website, Mediawatch finds these two headlines on their homepage a little curious:‘ARE YOU STOR? Fans think they’re in the ‘multiverse’ as Prem flop plays padel with Stormzy’
‘HE’S OUT Ex-Prem ace REFUSES to play for Sunderland and withdraws before kick-off’

What has floppy Jeff Hendrick and his 12 goals in 147 Premier League appearances done to offend them? Be more acey like Alex Pritchard and his three goals in 48 games, man.
 
Fowl play
‘‌I have to be careful here. Shanks once talked of football being more serious than life and death – and then Hillsborough showed that even the great man himself wasn’t always right. But it really did feel like someone had passed on Friday’ – Robbie Fowler in the Daily Mirror, on Jurgen Klopp’s impending summer exit.Good lord.
 
Tears in heaven
Still, that’s somehow a more measured response than that of another former Liverpool player:‘Naby Keita breaks down in tears after Jurgen Klopp bombshell Liverpool news’ – Liverpool Echo.

Except that’s really not what happened. Keita did say that “when I heard the news, I had tears in my eyes”. But that is very much not the same thing as breaking down in tears and that’s fine.
READ MORE: Liverpool 2.0? It’s Mediawatch 2.0 as Jurgen Klopp bombshell breaks brains and hearts