Shitty Veteran - A Evliya Çelebi Story
Hello to the fear and history enthusiasts of the Karasakal Fear Club. As you know, for the past few days, I have been sharing stories from our world-renowned traveler, Evliya Çelebi. You may be aware that in a moment of astonishment and excitement, instead of saying 'intercession, O Messenger of Allah' upon seeing a vision, Evliya Çelebi exclaimed, 'travel, O Messenger of Allah.' He embarked on journeys, documenting the places he visited in a travelogue.
We observe that Evliya is not just an ordinary traveler but also a spiritual individual with a fantastical aspect.
Now, let's get to our topic for this evening. In a campaign on Seykel, Evliya found himself in a situation during a break in the battle. Thinking the war had ended, he sought a secluded corner to relieve himself, untying the knot of his belt to attend to his needs. Suddenly, a noise erupted, and wouldn't you believe it, an enemy soldier leaped onto him just as he was about to answer nature's call!
Now, let's hear the continuation of the story in Evliya's own words:
Shitty Veteran
A Snap, Crack, and a Plop...
This is a tale of the lowly, and although it may be indecent, let it be forgiven and covered with the cloak of forgiveness. After the battle, finding no one around to satisfy my needs, I managed to find a secluded corner, lifted the hem of my trousers, and gathered my dignity while attending to my business alone. Suddenly, from the wooded area above, there was a snap, crack, and a plop.
"I Would Have Become a Martyr Stained with Filth"
My mind went astray, engaging with the infidel, and before I knew it, the loincloth and the belt became entangled around my legs, turning me into a mess. I would have become a martyr stained with filth.
Thanks be to Allah, my senses returned, and wrestling with the infidel like the wrestler Mahmud Pir Veli, the assistance of noble spirits came to me. I quickly became a humble dagger, stabbing the infidel's neck and chest multiple times, beheading him while covered in filth and blood.
Involuntarily, I found myself chuckling, feeling like a victorious hero in filth. I wiped the impurities off my body with my dagger, tied my belt, and continued on.
Then I saw a brave man, breathing heavily at the edge of the rock, saying, 'My brother, while we were chasing the infidels in the mountains, you hastily threw yourself upon the one I was about to behead, but the head is rightfully mine.' Despite being in a compromising situation, I handed over the head, and he exclaimed, 'Take this head, you shameless man!' and left.
I removed the filthy silver belt and loincloth from the infidel, finding 105 gold coins, a ring, and forty talers in his belt.
I packed these clothes into my bag, immediately mounted my horse, presented the head to Ismail Pasha, and said, 'May the headless bodies of the enemies of the faith always roll like this.' I kissed his hand and stood before him.
"My Saint, Why Do You Smell Like Excrement?"
All the lords bid farewell to the lowly one at the celebration of the victory. Ismail Pasha, pleased, generously gifted fifty gold coins to the lowly one, along with a silver wreath on my head. I enjoyed the festivities in high spirits.
At this location, in front of Ismail Pasha's tent, two thousand seven hundred heads and a thousand forty prisoners were presented from the infidel stronghold. All the captives were generously granted to their owners, and each warrior received rewards according to their ranks.
Following this, the roads were opened in the conquered battalion, and all the warriors were sent to the land of the infidels."
Evliya Çelebi, besides being a renowned traveler, also serves as an important historical source
