Stop Trying to Get It and You’ll Have It: The Backwards Law

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17 Jan 2025

In a world driven by the relentless pursuit of success, happiness, and fulfillment, the notion of "stop trying to get it, and you'll have it" seems counterintuitive. Yet, this paradoxical principle, often referred to as the Backwards Law, offers profound insights into human behavior, satisfaction, and the quest for meaning. Originating from the teachings of Eastern philosophy and popularized by thinkers like Alan Watts, the Backwards Law posits that the more we strive for something, the more it eludes us. Conversely, when we stop obsessively chasing after what we desire, it tends to naturally manifest in our lives. This article delves into the intricacies of the Backwards Law, exploring its philosophical roots, psychological implications, and practical applications.

Understanding the Backwards Law

At its core, the Backwards Law suggests that the act of seeking intensifies the sense of lacking. This idea is deeply rooted in the notion that our pursuit of happiness, success, or any other desirable outcome often stems from a place of dissatisfaction or a perceived deficiency. The more we focus on what we don’t have, the more we reinforce the feeling of not having it. This paradoxical cycle creates a constant state of yearning, which ironically pushes the desired outcome further away.

The concept is reminiscent of the Taoist philosophy of wu wei, which translates to "effortless action" or "non-doing." Wu wei advocates for a natural flow of life, where actions are performed without force or excessive effort, aligning with the natural rhythms of the universe. In this state, outcomes unfold organically, without the need for strenuous pursuit or control.

The Psychological Implications of the Backwards Law

The psychological underpinnings of the Backwards Law are supported by various theories in modern psychology. One such theory is the hedonic treadmill, which suggests that people quickly return to a baseline level of happiness, regardless of positive or negative life changes. This implies that the relentless pursuit of happiness through external means often results in temporary satisfaction, followed by a return to previous levels of contentment.

Moreover, the Backwards Law resonates with the concept of self-acceptance. Psychological research indicates that self-acceptance is a critical component of mental well-being. When individuals accept themselves as they are, without striving to meet external standards or expectations, they experience greater peace and fulfillment. This acceptance aligns with the Backwards Law, as it involves letting go of the need to achieve or obtain certain outcomes to feel complete or worthy.

Practical Applications of the Backwards Law

Applying the Backwards Law in daily life involves a shift in mindset and behavior. It requires embracing a paradoxical approach to goals and desires, where the focus shifts from striving to being, from effort to ease, and from control to surrender. Here are some practical ways to incorporate the Backwards Law into various aspects of life:

1. Letting Go of the Need for Control

One of the most profound applications of the Backwards Law is learning to let go of the need for control. In many aspects of life, from relationships to career advancement, the desire to control outcomes can lead to stress, anxiety, and disappointment. By relinquishing control and trusting the natural flow of events, individuals often find that things fall into place more effortlessly.
For example, in relationships, trying too hard to control or influence a partner’s behavior can create tension and conflict. However, when individuals let go of this need and focus on their own well-being and authenticity, relationships often improve naturally. This shift in focus reduces the pressure on both parties and allows for more genuine connections to form.

2. Embracing Imperfection

The pursuit of perfection is a common source of dissatisfaction and frustration. The Backwards Law encourages embracing imperfection and recognizing that flaws and shortcomings are inherent aspects of life. By accepting imperfection, individuals can reduce the stress associated with trying to meet unrealistic standards and find greater peace in the present moment.
This approach is particularly relevant in creative endeavors. Artists, writers, and musicians often struggle with the pressure to produce perfect work. However, when they let go of the need for perfection and allow themselves to create freely, their work often becomes more authentic and resonant. This acceptance of imperfection fosters a sense of freedom and joy in the creative process.

3. Focusing on the Present Moment

Mindfulness and presence are key components of the Backwards Law. By focusing on the present moment and fully engaging with the here and now, individuals can reduce the anxiety and stress associated with future-oriented thinking. This shift in focus allows for a deeper appreciation of life’s experiences and enhances overall well-being.
Practicing mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. This can be achieved through meditation, mindful breathing, or simply taking time to observe one’s surroundings. By cultivating mindfulness, individuals can break free from the cycle of constant striving and find contentment in the present.

4. Shifting from External to Internal Motivation

The Backwards Law emphasizes the importance of internal motivation over external rewards. When individuals are driven by intrinsic values and passions, rather than external validation or material success, they are more likely to experience lasting fulfillment. This shift in motivation involves aligning actions with personal values and finding joy in the process rather than the outcome.
For instance, pursuing a career based on personal interests and passions, rather than solely for financial gain or status, often leads to greater job satisfaction and overall happiness. When work is aligned with intrinsic motivation, individuals are more likely to find meaning and purpose in their daily activities.

5. Cultivating Gratitude and Contentment

Gratitude and contentment are powerful antidotes to the constant striving for more. The Backwards Law encourages individuals to focus on what they already have and cultivate a sense of gratitude for life’s blessings. This practice can shift the focus from lack to abundance, reducing the desire for external achievements and fostering a deeper sense of fulfillment.
Gratitude practices, such as keeping a gratitude journal or expressing appreciation to others, can help individuals develop a more positive outlook on life. By focusing on the good in their lives, individuals can break free from the cycle of wanting and find greater peace and contentment.

The Challenges of Embracing the Backwards Law

While the Backwards Law offers profound insights and benefits, it is not without its challenges. Embracing this paradoxical approach requires a significant shift in mindset and behavior, which can be difficult in a society that values achievement, success, and external validation.

One of the main challenges is overcoming the fear of failure and uncertainty. Letting go of the need for control and trusting the natural flow of events can be intimidating, especially when facing important life decisions or challenges. It requires a willingness to embrace uncertainty and have faith in the process.

Additionally, the Backwards Law may conflict with societal expectations and norms. In a culture that often equates success with hard work, ambition, and achievement, adopting a more relaxed and accepting approach can be seen as counterproductive or even lazy. It takes courage and confidence to go against the grain and prioritize well-being and inner peace over external accomplishments.

Conclusion

The Backwards Law offers a powerful framework for rethinking our approach to life’s challenges and desires. By letting go of the constant striving for success, happiness, and fulfillment, and instead focusing on acceptance, presence, and intrinsic motivation, individuals can find greater peace, contentment, and authenticity. This paradoxical approach challenges conventional wisdom and invites us to explore a more effortless and joyful way of living.

Embracing the Backwards Law is not about giving up on goals or ambitions but about approaching them with a different mindset. It’s about finding balance and harmony between effort and surrender, between striving and being. By understanding and applying the principles of the Backwards Law, individuals can unlock new possibilities for growth, happiness, and fulfillment in their lives.