I Can’t Speak English

I’m not an English native speaker. I’m born and raised in Indonesia. Of course my mother language is Bahasa Indonesia. English is my second language, along with Javanese. I learned it in school, internet, and through songs. Even this article is corrected with my Grammarly extension (it’s the free version tho).
Besides, a lot of people said that I’m very good at speaking and writing in English. On the second hand, I just realised I’m not that good at speaking in English. But I’m confident to say I can understand people speaking in English or reading something in English. Except for journal articles. They’re built different. If you know, you know.
Awkward
I tried. Even babbling in English is hard for me. It’s hard to arrange the sentence or choose the right word. Still, I’m sure I’m not that bad, but also not that good. Kinda feel something is off because I always write notes in English, lol. To be honest, using “LOL” is awkward.
I’m very glad there’s emoji in this world.
In Indonesia, we have our own way to express LOL and it’s way better (in my opinion) than that. It’s wkwkwk. No one really knows what it means. Well, maybe you should try to use it (if you aren’t Indonesian) and make anyone confused wkwk.
The thing is, I also feel awkward expressing love or talking to myself in Bahasa Indonesia, always in English. As an Indonesian Literature college student, it hurts my pride. No one judges me, but I feel bad.
Conclusion?
I’m a bad English speaker. Though I can laugh at every American and Canadian meme doesn’t mean I can throw the same joke at someone — I have to admit English memes are the best fit for my humour.
So, what do you have after reading this?
If you have the same problem as me, we can work on this together. If you need to speak English well, you can try to develop by trying to make a video of you bubbling “heavy topic” with certain context. I’ve done that, and it made a little difference. A good difference I can say. Just you and yourself.
Or make some useless articles like this every day. I will. Don’t forget to bring our true best friends, Grammarly and Google Translate.
We already have the basics. Not even basics, we are actually good enough.
Just… be brave to speak it out loud. Find an English speaker friend to talk with or if you’re too introverted like me, do the previous way. You can if you want.
Practice won’t hurt you.Unless you try to speak in British.
Thank you.