Embracing Solitude while Conquering Feelings of Loneliness

Do you ever feel scared of being by yourself? You're not the only one!

In a survey from 2022, one out of every three adults admitted to being afraid of being alone. More women (40%) than men (35%) said they felt this way.

There are so many things in the world that keep us from feeling lonely, even when we're not with someone else. While there's no direct link between social media and feeling lonely, it can sometimes distract us from enjoying time by ourselves. Things like texting, watching TV, and playing video games can also keep us from embracing solitude.

It's kind of funny - the more we avoid spending time alone, the harder it becomes for us to actually be alone. This can make us even more scared of being by ourselves. Letting our fear of being alone take over can make us feel even more lonely in the long run.

Anxiety over isolation

Being scared of being by yourself can really hold you back. It can make you make choices that aren't good for you. You might try to avoid feeling lonely by spending time with people or doing things you don't really like. This could mean keeping friends who aren't very reliable or getting into relationships that aren't healthy.

Some studies have found that being afraid of being alone can make us care more about having a partner than about having a good relationship. This can lead to being in relationships that aren't good for us.

But if you learn to enjoy spending time by yourself, it can actually make your relationships better.

In a book called The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter, a psychologist named Matthew Bowker says that being able to be alone can make your relationships with others stronger. When you're happy on your own, you bring more to your relationships because you're not just relying on others to make you feel good.

Remember, your thoughts aren't always true. Don't let fear of being alone stop you from spending time with yourself. Just because you think something doesn't mean it's right. Don't listen to all the negative thoughts in your head. You don't have to believe everything you think.

Prioritize scheduling personal time just for you

Getting better at something takes practice.

If you're scared of being by yourself, the best way to get over that fear is to change how you think about it.

Maybe you realize that feeling anxious when you're alone is stopping you from doing things you want to do. You might want to be the kind of person who is happy on their own. If that's the case, make time for it in your schedule. Timeboxing is a way to plan out your week based on what's important to you. If you've never tried it before, start with a free weekly calendar template.

Decide how much time you want to spend alone each week. Even just 15 minutes is a good start. You could use that time to write in a journal or take a walk by yourself. Or treat yourself to a solo dinner or adventure. These are all ways to recharge and feel better during the day.

Dive deep into your inner self

Feeling uncomfortable when you're by yourself is totally normal. Instead of letting that feeling push you towards distractions like watching TV or scrolling through TikTok, try these four steps to take control:

First, focus on that discomfort and write down how it's making you feel.

Remember, feeling uncomfortable isn't always a bad thing. It can actually help us grow and move forward.

Instead of trying to escape the feeling, try to understand why you're feeling that way. What are you avoiding by not spending time alone, even if you want to?

Next, think about how being alone makes you feel. Do you get butterflies in your stomach? Are you thinking about what others are doing? Pay attention to your emotions.

Lastly, be aware of moments when you're most likely to get distracted. Use the 10-minute rule - if you're not enjoying being alone, tell yourself you can stop in 10 minutes. By the time those 10 minutes are up, you might feel differently.

Remember, when you pay attention to negative emotions, they often go away. We all have the ability to enjoy our own company. Don't let distractions stop you from looking within.