Findom Isn't A Get Rich Quick Scheme - It's A Kink

Background

Thanks to a few cute, young, uneducated idiots across TikTok and the interwebs, Financial Domination has taken platforms like X (formerly Twitter) and even dating apps by storm. Reddit has hundreds of "I started last week and have 0 paypigs help!!!" posts on the popular r/findomsupportgroup page. The broke, young, and/or uneducated new "Dommes" who pick up this misinformation end up hopping on apps such as Tinder and Hinge declaring "I'm just here for your money, pay up" and creating discourse and hatred for something that they wrongly claim to be participating in.

Financial Domination isn't just "bullying men for money". It isn't just demanding it and expecting to become a millionaire overnight.

If it was that easy the world wouldn't have so many people struggling and impoverished.

Unfortunately, this influx of misinformation has led to the ostracizing of Findom kinksters even from within their own BDSM and kink community. I've personally witnessed young women joining the platform in earnest, merely putting "Findom" in their profile, and immediately being harassed, labeled "predators", and bullied by grown men who pull in their fully-grown friends to assist with the high-school level of non-consenting degradation of a woman for merely existing under the title. While that says far more to me about those people's inability to safely engage in any level of kink (if you're unaware, ignoring the pillar of consent is the Cardinal Sin of kink)... it's also a strong reminder that the patriarchy has so deeply ingrained itself even into Female Domination practices (though that's a whole other post) and that Findom is hated even by the people who should be understanding of its existence even if it's not a kink they wish to participate in.

Consent and Acceptance

One of the things that has always most attracted me to the kink world is the exploration and open-mindedness that is inherently laced into its core. Kink is something extremely personal, and it rests on the idea of choice. When you're familiar with versions popularized in 50 Shades of Grey, that might seem like a crazy idea but let me explain.

Kink is a choice. Kink is having the ability to indulge or not indulge in certain boundaries being pushed or respected based entirely on the consent given to your partner (or partners). The respect of consent is a key pillar of kink because it allows fantasy to be indulged safely. It allows us to explore ourselves in the darkest, most repressed corners when and if we feel ready with someone also interested and ready. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, and the kink stops. Consent can exist in an umbrella of seeming non-consent; in the vein of consenting, allowing a partner to take full control and make all of the decisions.

This control, of course, must come with a safeword. A "hard stop" switch. Without it, the control of kink is no longer kink-- it veers sharply into abuse. Without the boundary building, communication, and full out, the person you are engaging in kink with is no longer willfully engaging, because you've decided they never have an out. Think of it this way: if you put someone in a room with you, but there's a door and it's unlocked, they always can leave. They always have that choice, even if they don't. It makes them staying that much more poignant and meaningful. But if you lock the door and throw the key out a window, or trap them with you in a room with no exits; that person's acquiescence is no longer a choice even if you say "Well they agreed to come in in the first place." You've removed their ability to withdraw consent and you are now simply a guard of their prison, no matter how much they tell you they want to be there. Because even if they do want to be there, it no longer matters. They no longer have the choice to opt to leave even if they wanted to. There's no longer consent.

Consent must always come from all involved parties, and it must be ongoing. Even in unsureness, the consent needs to be fully there. The consent to be pushed or to push, knowing that if things go beyond mere pushing and into full-breaking, there is a way to stop it and keep it as safe as it needs to be.

Financial Domination is not about being forced to pay a Dominant when deep down you don't want to. It might contain themes such as blackmail or forced spending, but all within the bounds of previously discussed boundaries and, again, always with a safe word out that immediately ends things. That's how the bond builds; you push and get pushed and you play and test all while knowing that if things do go beyond the pleasurable pressure of what you're doing, it will end. The pushing will end and so will the fun. And the fun part is what keeps it kinky instead of abusive. That edge of thrill and mystery and playfulness in pushing boundaries to see just how far you can go before it becomes too far.

What People Get Wrong

People misunderstand Findom because it so often gets sold as a new wave of MLM. Idiotic "purveyors" who are driven by greed more than kink (and there should be a healthy balance in a greedy version of Findom play) spread the message that young, hot women need only to bully men, demand money, and will see thousands of dollar flying into their account because of how "hot it is." But that's no Findom.

Financial Domination involves the giving of money from a submissive to a Dominant (in particular, women. We can go into a whole history of Financial Domination some other time). While there may be some coercion involved, that coercion is discussed along with boundaries, budgets, and more in a true dynamic. Before that dynamic, submissives need to be aware of their budget when beginning to worship a Findom Dominant through amounts of financial servitude, at least until the Financial Dominant decides that the submissive is capable of entering an acknowledged dynamic (which is where the conversation comes in).

Here's the kicker: many submissives who enjoy spending money aren't actual pay pigs or submissives, but misinformed Dommes don't understand this, and in turn, submissives don't all understand this. You end up with terms such as "paypig" and 'Findomme" being thrown about in places they don't belong leading to further miseducation and misunderstanding. These things are rare to find, in truth, especially in the large amounts that so many claim. Most of the Dommes parading as Findommes and submissives parading as paypigs? They're fetishists, content buyers/sellers, and general kinksters. They just enjoy paying and getting paid in the process, and the involvement of any money at all gets mistaken for Financial Domination. But that's not what it is.

How To Know If It's Findom

Is money given willingly from the submissive to the Dominant without need, concern, or expectation of even acknowledgment in return?

If the answer is yes, then congratulations! That's Financial Domination! If not... then that's not Findom. That's service-related. If a submissive needs pushing or specific demands from a Dominant to them specifically to hand over money, it's not Findom. There is an expectation for acknowledgment: therefore, not findom.

That's it.

So Content Creators and Kinksters Can't Participate in Findom At All Then?

That's not what I'm saying. This is one of those "yes, and?" cases. Such as "Yes, I am a Findomme and I also create content." There needs to be clarification on the expectations and just what is being consented to. Typically, there's a mix of Financial Domination and Femdom, Content Creation, or fetishization involved; a content buyer who also tips generously solely because they want to. The tip is part of the Findom, but the submissive tipping likely wouldn't be tipping without also buying content that they enjoyed. They're tied together.

There are some small and rare caveats, of course. Men who enjoy receiving content but engage in variations of the findom/content buying. Perhaps they enjoy sending money but being told what they get in return. Or perhaps they enjoy saying "I will spend x amount on you from my budget and buy anything you post whether or not it's what I'd typically enjoy." Or even "I want my Dominant to give me permission to spend money and help me budget to send to her." These all expand upon financial domination with other kinks. And there's nothing wrong with it (how many people do you know with a single kink, after all?), but it needs to be understood. The boundaries and the definitions need to be understood in the same way that rules can be bent if you understand how they work and why they are there in the first place so that you are honoring the core of the rule that needs to remain intact.

Stop Bullying Dominants and submissives Without Consent

Dominants! Stop bullying subs without explicit consent. They don't all enjoy it, and there's far more to this kink than just bullying men. Sometimes it's nurturing them. Sometimes it's a connection. Sometimes they don't want to be acknowledged at all--- but the more you are looking for and asking for a "paypig", the less likely you are to find one. True paypigs want to give because they find themselves enamored with you... not because you asked or were desperate for money.

And if you're not interested in Financial Domination? Don't harass and bully those who are participating, or throw out claims of abuse until you see these abuses occur with that particular person. Not all male Dominants are just abusive assholes, even though many use it as a cover for doing so. True male Dominants respect their submissives whole-heartedly; they don't just diminish them to show their Dominance (because that's not what Dominance is). Not all Findoms are abusive assholes either. Yes, many of them are because they are uneducated; but those aren't claims you get to throw around merely because you don't understand the intricacies and nuance of the kink. If you don't want to participate, it's a matter of merely not giving consent to participate and engaging in the kinks you do enjoy with others who consent to participate in them.

There's no need for us to be close-minded and rude to people in consenting relationships. The key is just ensuring that all parties are consenting and not truly being abused or coerced into consenting to something they don't want.