Today

Today was the first time I smiled
After then I knew everything will be okay 
I have been holed up in my room for days now 
not eating, not sleeping, not breathing, not living 
I spent the past few days merely existing

Every morning I wake up I pray it’s a whole different day 
different from the one that just passed 
I feel optimistic for a moment or two
that fleeting moment then passes before the weight of the world consumes me 

Today was the first time I smiled
After then I knew everything will be okay 

I stand up for a minute 
No need for pep talks 
I actually tell myself it’s okay to feel 
it’s okay to scream, to thrash the house, to feel so out of it you can barely breathe 
once you acknowledge that it’s okay to feel 
first hurdle passed 

Today was the first time I smiled
After then I knew everything will be okay