How Big Mood Swings Can Affect Your Relationships

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7 Apr 2024

How Big Mood Swings Can Affect Your Relationships

Being in a relationship is an emotional thing. Beyond the initial infatuation, having interactions with a significant other can cause all sorts of emotions such as anger, jealousy, happiness, confusion, and satisfaction.

Wondering how mood swings can affect relationships?
Speak with a board-certified therapist
Sometimes, the expression of emotions in particular ways can lead to miscommunications and unspoken expectations. When this happens, it can create friction in the relationship. It is best to sit down with the other person in times like this, clarify, ask questions, and have an honest conversation about what you're feeling. This way, nothing could be secret and possibly blow up later.
You can also do this when things are going well. It's nice to hear when you are bringing someone joy, laughter, and general happiness. Be sure to tell your partner the good emotions, as well as addressing the potential negative emotions.

More than emotions

While emotions are an essential part of a relationship, something else can affect the tone of the interactions between you and your significant other. Moods are more than emotions. Being in a specific mood affects what emotions you are likely to feel. If you are in a bad mood, you're more likely to be angry, grumpy, irritable, or sad. A good mood, conversely, can bring about humor, joy, happiness, and satisfaction.
Sometimes, moods catch us by surprise. We may not know why we are in a grumpy mood or why we are happy. Sometimes they seem to happen out of nowhere. Other times, we can link our moods to events that have happened. Did you have a hard day at work? You may be more likely to be in a foul mood afterward. Did you receive some great news? In that case, happiness is most likely going to be your mood.
Moods affect how you treat people, especially when you aren't exactly sure of the mood affecting you. Sometimes you need someone to tell you, "You're in a bad mood today," before realizing that you are irritable and grumpy. Your partner is a great person to tell you that because they tend to know you reasonably well. Your interactions with the other person in the relationship often can reveal the kind of mood you are feeling at the time.

Mood swings

Sometimes, events in our lives may cause a mood swing. Mood swings can affect your relationship in significant ways. Typically, a small mood swing creates a minor ripple in the relationship. Big mood swings, however, can cause a big splash, disrupting the relationship in significant ways.

When you have been in a relatively good mood for a while, your partner comes to expect you to act in a specific way, believing everything is ok both in your life and as well as the relationship. When there is a sudden shift in your mood, changing without warning from feeling good and happy to angry and sad, it can create an emotional whiplash of sorts in the other person, and vice versa.
Big mood swings can create significant effects on the relationship. You may go from being romantic and warm to cold and distant. Changing moods in this way can lead the other person to believe they have done something wrong or possibly that you are no longer interested or invested in the relationship.

Working through a big mood swing

Navigating around a big mood swing can be tricky for both you and your partner. Since moods affect your emotions, you may find yourself quicker to cry or snap to anger. All these emotions associated with your moods are swirling around inside you, waiting to be expressed. Sometimes, you may not intend to react to your partner in a negative way when you experience a moment of frustration or anger that may have nothing to do with them, and they're caught off-guard in your seemingly out-of-nowhere reaction.
So how do you deal with a big mood swing in a relationship?

Listen to your partner

Any big mood swings will affect the people close to you, including the other person in your relationship. Listen to them if they tell you that you've shifted in your mood. Listen to what they are telling you about your actions, your demeanor, and your words. They have an outside perspective that may be very valuable to you. Sometimes we are too close to the mood to recognize that anything has changed.
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Wondering how mood swings can affect relationships?
Speak with a board-certified therapist
It would help if you also listened to how your big mood swing is affecting your partner. Is your irritability causing the other person to feel that you are mad at them all the time? Are you distant and cold, making your partner feel insecure in the relationship, worrying that you are losing interest? The way your moods affect your partner matters. While you may not mean to take out your mood on them when you do, you need to hear what is happening, take responsibility, and work to change the behavior.

Figure out why

Life circumstances cause some mood swings. It is essential to be self-aware and take stock of the goings-on of your life. If you look back and realize that something triggered your mood swings, such as bad news, a hard day at work, or an argument with your significant other, it is essential to recognize it to deal with any underlying emotions that are causing your moods to swing.
If you find yourself with a big mood swing for no reason, know that sometimes that happens. Sometimes you may "wake up on the wrong side of the bed" and be in a bad mood, whereas yesterday, you were in a great mood. If for whatever reason, you are concerned about the frequency and intensity of your mood swings, talking with a therapist can help you work out any underlying reasons for your mood swings.

Change your routine

Often, when we feel stuck in a rut, a good mood can drop quickly. So, do something out of the ordinary. See a movie. Go out to dinner at a new restaurant. Take a walk in a park. It can be something simple or extravagant. Breaking the cycle of sameness can do wonders to uplift your mood.
Include your partner in your routine-changing behavior. After all, their mood affects you, as well. You are doing something that lifts both your spirits. It can be useful for each of you individually and as a couple. A bonus is that you can turn it into a special date, creating memories that strengthen the bond between you.

When there is friction

Big mood swings can create friction and conflict in a relationship. Your partner may feel blindsided by it, thinking that you were feeling one way and then finding out your feelings seem to be the complete opposite instead. That can create hurt and maybe even resentment. Dealing with these feelings can lead to conflict and confrontation.
When there is friction in the relationship, there are two things you should remember. First, moods change. You won't feel like this forever, and your mood can improve. Second, remember that the other person has legitimate feelings, as well. You are not the only one with a mood or emotions. It's easy to get so wrapped up in what is going on internally with ourselves that we often fail to see the other person's point of view. Take some time and listen to each other. Open communication about what and why you feel what you are feeling can go a long way towards resolving conflict in your relationship.

When it's too much

Sometimes, the conflict can escalate and get out of hand. Fights like this do happen and sometimes go on for days. Unresolved conflict can create a rift in your relationship, which may hurt you both in the long run. If you value the relationship, feelings like these need to be addressed and dealt with in healthy ways.
You may need help navigating the challenges of big mood swings and your relationship. The trained, licensed online therapists at Regain can help you and your partner conquer conflict and grow your relationship as a healthy, viable, long-term partnership. With the help of a therapist, you can identify the reasons for your mood swings, how they affect your partner and develop a plan for dealing with them in the future. With these tools, you can manage your moods and emotions and not have them affect your relationship.

Counselor reviews

Below are reviews of Regain therapists, as well as some frequently asked questions.
“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”

“My girlfriend and I have been working with Alison for about four months now and with her help and guidance we have strengthened our relationship tenfold. Her communication style is amazing and she really strives to make the best of our time with one another. If you’re looking for a counselor you can put your faith in with the whole experience, she’s the one to go to.”

Takeaway

While mood swings can come out of nowhere and create a disconnect in your relationship, ultimately, they do not have to mean anything for the relationship necessarily. The effects of the mood swings are what need to be dealt with, navigated, and resolved. Remember, you both have moods and emotions. Mood swings are rarely a one-sided coin. Understanding that your partner is complex can go a long way towards navigating emotions and moods to have a healthy, fulfilling, long-term relationship.
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Frequently asked questions

How do mood swings affect relationships?

Mood swings in a relationship can create many relationship problems. When your girlfriend or boyfriend has mood swings, it can leave you feeling insecure and bewildered. Because you never know whether they will be in a bad mood or a good one, you are always on your guard. You may find yourself walking on eggshells trying to avoid setting off their bad mood. Or you might feel like you're about ready to lose it yourself. And none of that is a basis for a close, loving relationship.
When you often experience these swings in a relationship, the situation usually brings up a lot of conflict between the two of you. You might fall easily into bitter arguments and say things you regret but can't take back. Sometimes, you pull away from the relationship because it's just too unstable and painful to deal with. Your partner's mood probably has a significant impact on your own mood as well, so it can become hard for you to be a loving, steady influence on your partner after a while.
Fortunately, there are many ways to address this type of swing in a relationship. Honest, open, and loving communication can help you and your partner overcome relationship mood changes. If you don't know how to build your communication skills, consider talking to a therapist. With their help, you can learn to communicate more effectively, manage your own bad moods, and deal better with your partner's mood. You can learn to boost your mood when you're feeling down, and to not bring negativity into the relationship constantly. In the end, knowing these things can help you build a happy relationship.

How do you deal with a grumpy partner?

Dealing with a grumpy partner is no easy task at times. Anytime you're dealing with this type of swing in a relationship, your partner's sour mood can lead to serious relationship problems. When your partner's mood is putting a cloud over your relationship, though, there are a few steps you can take to make it better.
First, remember the good things about your partner and why you're in the relationship. Relationship issues and minor swings in a relationship come up for everyone, and you aren't always going to enjoy your partner's mood. At this point, the best thing you can do is try to have a conversation with your significant other. Ask them to describe how they're feeling and listen to what they say. If you don't understand their bad moods, listening may give you some insight into their experience.
Next, please talk about your own feelings that come up when they act out their bad moods. Let them know how you feel when they have angry outbursts or withdraw into silence. Finally, discuss the relationship, mood issues, and how it all ties together for you. If you want to stay with your partner, tell them what you envision a happy relationship would look like with them.
If your partner is having terrible mood swings for a significant amount of time, suggest that they seek help to determine where the bad moods are coming from. Is it a medical problem? Could it be a mental disorder, like bipolar disorder? Or is your partner's mood related to stress at work? Finding out can be the first step in helping them have a happier life, and the two of you have a happy relationship.

How do you calm mood swings?

Suppose you are the one experiencing bad moods. In that case, you can use several techniques to feel calmer and more positive when you're down or more stable and reasonable when you're experiencing intense feelings on the opposite end of the spectrum.
To lift your mood, you can:

Get some exercise
Take a walk in a beautiful natural setting
Drink plenty of clear, cool water
Have a delicious, healthy dinner
Spend time with friends and family
Go on a special outing with your partner
Express your sadness or grumpiness through art or music

On the other hand, if your bad moods come with excitability, tension, or intense anger, you can:

Breathe deeply for several minutes when you need to calm down
Practice traditional or mindfulness meditation
Write in a journal, describing your emotions
Talk to your partner about any worries, stresses, or past traumas behind your bad moods
Engage in activities you enjoy

Now, consider if it's your partner who is having mood swings in the relationship. What can you do when their moods are causing swings in a relationship? First, you can let them know you've noticed their bad moods. This may be the initial clue they have that they are behaving differently. And it gives you a chance to let them know you care for them and are affected by your partner's mood.
Next, you can do something special with or for your partner. Be creative in thinking of ways you can be with each other during this time. Then, too, you may need to give your partner a little space. Ask them if they need an afternoon to themselves, and give them that time if they request it. But don't back off too far. If you do, you may end up saying goodbye to them and looking for a new relationship.
Don't hesitate to suggest they get counseling or that you go with them to couples therapy. If they agree, you can work together to resolve the problems. But even if you go alone, you can learn new strategies for calming the swings in a relationship to build a more stable and lasting relationship.

How do you deal with a moody person?

Don't meet their moodiness with moody behavior of your own. Certainly, it's good to express your feelings appropriately. However, the more stable you can be in your own mental health, the easier it is to deal with a moody person. Often, when there are swings in a relationship, one partner's mood affects the other's dramatically. But if you can learn to stay calm yourself, address essential issues between you directly, express your needs clearly, and show your love for them sincerely, you are in a much better position to deal with your partner's mood.

What are mood swings a sign of?

Many physical and mental problems can cause mood swings. If you or your partner's mood is causing swings in a relationship, you might need to see a doctor or therapist to find out what is behind them. Here are some of the issues that can result in mood swings:

Sleep disorders
Diabetes
Thyroid problems
Parkinson's disease
Allergies
Hormonal changes
Medications
Bipolar disorder
Depression
Borderline personality disorder
Substance abuse
Poor diet
Inadequate coping skills during times of stress

How do I stop emotional outbursts?

To stop your own emotional outbursts, take a two-pronged approach. For immediate help, put some time between your feelings and your expressions. When you feel like lashing out at your partner, take some deep breaths, count to ten, and then think about whether you really want to say what is on the tip of your tongue.
Then, for longer-lasting help, talk to a counselor to identify the sources of your intense emotions. If you don't know how to control mood swings, your therapist can then teach you ways to change your thinking so that your emotions become calmer and more controllable. You can also learn coping skills and calming techniques to use when you feel your feelings intensely.
But if your partner's mood and outbursts are causing swings in a relationship, you have to understand that that is theirs to deal with and manage. To start, you can avoid reacting to their outbursts in ways that escalate them. Acknowledge their pain, but don't participate in it. Then, you can suggest they seek therapy or offer to go with them to a couples counselor. An occasional emotional outburst is nothing to panic about. But if emotional outbursts become a way of life, therapy may be the best way to overcome them.