My takeaway from The Ultimatum (Netflix)
Recently, I binge watched the new Netflix reality show Ultimatum. For those that have never watched/ heard of it, the show follows six couples who aren't at the same page regarding marriage: one member wants to get married, and the other doesn't. The show tests each of their relationships by having them split up, couple up with another person from the other pairs for a few weeks for a trial marriage, and then come back and live together with the original partner for the same amount of time. The show ends with each person deciding whether to get married, break up and leave alone, and maybe even couple up with the new partner they've met.
Although my partner thought that this show is absolutely stupid, I decided to watch it because I thought it was interesting and I also had nothing better to do on the weekend. Anyway, it did ended up being really interesting and it made me think deeply into relationships and marriage in general. All of these couples obviously have their own problems, hence they needed to have an ultimatum. Some of these problems include commitment issues (just wondering if there would be a better fit somewhere), children problems (one of them do not want kids and the other really want kids), financial issues (male partner wanting to have a better financial status before marriage) etc. These problems are all very common in daily lives, I am sure yourself/ your friends would have some of these problems in their relationship. However, is an ultimatum really a solution to all of these?
Out of the 6 couples that went on the show, only 2 of them actually did end up choosing to marry each other, and all of the others actually separated with each other. And it seems to me that they only decided to get married because they could not stand seeing their partner being with someone else. Whether or not their problem was solved was a mystery.
Personally, I would not think that an ultimatum is healthy for a relationship. You are asking yourself and your partner to try dating someone else and see if that would make you realise something and decide that you want to marry your original partner. However, if it takes another person stepping into your relationship for your partner to realise that you are indeed the one, then is it still true love (or perfect love)? I have little experience in dating, but I really do not want to 'try date' someone else if I really care about my partner. Maybe I am still young and naive and I do wish to believe that true love exists, but maybe it doesn't? I really do not know the answer to this question, haha!
I also think that these 'trial marriages' do not represent real life marriages as they only last for around 3 weeks. That would typically be the 'honeymoon period' and everything seems to be all in a fairy tale. This would definitely trick one into thinking that you feel happier with the 'new person'. However, are you sure you would still like them after they show you their worst side? Do you know how they would behave in an argument? Three weeks is too short to see the whole picture.
To me, relationships (and perhaps marriages) are a lot of compromises, respect, problem solving and of course, love. An ultimatum definitely sounds like a quick fix/ quick end to your relationship problems, but I do not think that it is a good idea, at least for myself! A honest self reflection about your relationship should give the same outcome of an ultimatum, without the damage it brings to the relationship. Ultimately, reality is that actual marriage is basically problems after problems after problems. Learning to solve them with your partner are real tests to whether or not this partner is someone you could spend your whole life with.
Fun fact: I also recently came across this quote on social media - when you and your partner are fighting, you both need to remember that it's you two vs the problem, not you vs your partner. So my thoughts would be that do not create another problem by having an ultimatum, try understand the root of the problem and solve it instead.
What are your thoughts about this? If you have a spare weekend, I would definitely recommend watching this show for a no-brainer relax session!
